Do's and Don'ts of Casual Sex
It is not uncommon to find yourself looking for no-strings-attached sex. Luckily, over the last decade casual sex has become more acceptable.
First with the development of online dating and now with new dating apps, it is easier than ever to declare the type of relationship you are looking for and find someone who wants the same. That said, whether you just want a night of fun or a long term hookup buddy, it is important to think through your actions so you don't get hurt. Here are seven do's and don't:
Do be honest with yourself. Why do you want to do this? Casual sex is a way to connect with another person, release some tension, and get a nice kick of endorphins. It is not a way to create a lasting relationship. Evaluate what you want and make sure you are emotionally able to have a physical relationship without a deeper connection.
Do be honest with your partner. Make it clear you do not want this relationship to develop beyond sex. Do your best to make sure the other person is also emotionally mature enough for this type of relationship. Considering an old friend who you think had a crush on you in the past? Look elsewhere, you do no want to end up hurting any feelings.
Do find the perfect other. Be careful choosing who you sleep with. Obviously you want someone who you connect with physically but, since you do not want this to go anywhere, make sure that's it. Try to find someone with whom you share no common interests or, even better, find someone who drives you a little crazy. Maybe he is super conservative and you're a huge liberal. Maybe she is obsessed with her cats and you hate animals. The less likely you are able to picture a future with this person outside of the bedroom, the more likely you will be able to keep deeper feeling from developing.
Do set boundaries. You are not dating so do not act like you are. Going out to dinner before, or spending the night together after will only lead to complications. This is about the sex. Do not forget that.
Do respect yourself. Even though this is a casual relationship, set standards for yourself and do not let the other person walk all over you. Did you have plans to meet and he was a no show? Is she too flaky to keep plans? Cut them loose. You can do better.
Do be safe. Use protection and tell a trusted friend what you are up to so they can keep an eye out for you.
Don't confuse the intimacy with love. Remember you are not in a relationship. From the start, both you and your partner agreed this is just a hookup and it is good to remind yourself of this continually.
If you do find yourself developing deeper feelings, talk with your partner. If they do not feel the same, cut ties and move on. You deserve a fulfilling relationship (however that is defined for you) and there is no point it wasting energy and emotions pursuing someone who does not want the same thing.
And remember, don't take it personally. Lastly, make sure you are enjoying yourself. If you are not feeling satisfied, reevaluate your actions. Now get out there and have some fun!